Monday, April 20, 2009

Review: 'He's Just Not That Into You' for Tom Magazine


Title: He’s Just Not That Into You - The No-Excuses Truth To Understanding Guys
Author: Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo
Publisher: HarperCollins
Reviewed by Anna Angel

It was an episode of Sex and the City, which was then elaborated into a book, and recently made into a fuzzy chick-flick. It was an international phenomenon - hell, it was on Oprah. So, what’s the big deal about the phrase, "He’s just not that into you"? Mainly it’s that nobody would have ever said that to a woman before, for fear of having their eyes carved out with a nailfile. What you did say was, "You’re so hot! Of course he likes you, he’s probably just busy, /he’s just gotten out a relationship/he’s lying dead in a gutter so he wasn’t able to call." Why? Because it makes you feel better. It gives you hope. Greg Behrendt wants to take this hope and crush it into tiny little pieces. It all sounds rather gloomy, but it actually makes a lot of sense.

He’s Just Not That Into You, by a writer and a consultant of Sex and the City, hilariously outlines the common excuses women use to hold onto relationships that simply aren’t going anywhere. Most female readers will recognise an excuse they’ve told themselves, or told one of their friends, throughout the book. The authors don’t so much want to break the hearts of women everywhere, but to help them "set yourself free to find the guy who is really into you, and would love to show you how much." They really hammer the message home, with handy chapter titles like, ‘He’s Just Not That Into You If He’s Breaking Up With You’, and ‘He’s Just Not That Into You If He’s Married (and Other Insane Variations of Being Unavailable)’.

Behrendt and Tuccillo say a guy is just not that into you if he’s not asking you out. For them, this means a girl should never ask a guy out (because if a guy wanted to ask you out, he would). They also don’t believe in grey areas - you’d be better off single than in an unsatisfying relationship. For a hopeless romantic this can seem a little depressing and jaded. If you’re not the rose-carrying, valentine’s-card-writing kind, you may just shrug your shoulders and say "duh!" Ultimately, though, there are some good lessons in here for every single woman.

It can seem a little silly and repetitive at times, with colouring-in exercises and fake reader scenarios throughout, all illustrating the same six words. However, most readers will at least come away with a sense of liberation, thinking "Hell yes, I deserve a fantastic relationship!" Whether or not this book can really help you get one is debatable, but it’s a sure esteem booster, and a welcome reminder that no woman should put up with crap for the sake of being in a relationship. Just try not to take it too seriously. No matter what Oprah says, this is a dating guide, not the bible.

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